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One day, when I went to the park, this greasy hobo approached me with a overly bulging coat. He murmured something I couldn't hear. I said, " What did you say?" He replied with, "I have a bomb... Give me your underwear right now!" He kept his coat closed, I thought he was bluffing. "I need your urine!" he said. Okay, now I knew he was on drugs and would do anything. "Lay down on the ground, I am gonna do things..." He whispered. I laid down as he asked and he took off his left shoe. He peeled off his yellow sock and stuffed it in my mouth and said, "This foot mitten used to be black you know." He yanked of my left shoe and sock and replaced them with his old footwear. My sock ended up on his foot and his on mine. I spit out the sock in my mouth and told him it tasted like a raw potato covered in mustard. He then told me to take off my pants in the bathroom and give him my underwear. I said, "No!" Then he showed me the bomb..... Terrified I did it. After giving him my underwear he wanted to perform a magic show for me. For his first trick he put his pet duck in a pot then added water, peed in it. His duck did not survive the first trick. After that he told me to pick a toe nail any toe nail, I pointed at the most deformed toe nail, then he mixed then up showed them to me one at a time saying, " Did you pick this one?" If I said no he made me eat it. After picking them all, he finally chose the correct nail then made me lick it...... After so doing he ate it. He asked if it was all funny I said no, then he said, "Well then I guess my life of comedy is over before it began so I guess I will be blowing us up with the bomb." He pressed a button, then I screamed, but instead of blowing up a flag shot out that said BANG!!! He said, "Yes that was funny right? Oh yes my career is a go!" After that he put my underwear on top of his head and skipped off. Feeling odd after the first few minutes with him, I stuck my head in sand.


~Wet Drake